Nobody is harder on me than me. I wish it weren’t that way, but if you’ve known me for quite some time, you’ve probably seen it.

It happened again last night at Buffalo Wild Wings. I was really upset seeing couples all around the restaurant, especially one couple who was sitting at the bar only a couple of stools down from me with their hands all over one another.

Made me wonder about why I bother going on sometimes. Those who know me are well aware of my trouble relating to people, my loneliness and my overwhelming desire to find a special someone. I’m almost to the point of giving up. I’m going to be 40 in less than two years, and the pool of 40-year old singles, especially in a rural area far away from a city of any size, is very shallow. I’ve been more than willing, and still am, to travel all the time and not make anyone see Russell unless they want to, but that’s not happening, either.

After leaving for a few minutes to check in at the Courtyard on Tiffany Springs and make a quick run into Hy-Vee, I returned to Buffalo Wild Wings. I was down. Way down. Brittany got on me for being so grumpy. She tried to cheer me up by telling me the couple who had their hands all over each other were a couple of jerks, but there was a part of me who wished I were a big jerk. I probably would be with someone. Then again, maybe not.

Liz sat down with me a few minutes later. She tried convincing me I was wonderful as I was and that she didn’t want me any other way. She used her mother, Nadine (who also works at Buffalo Wild Wings) as an example of not needing a significant other to be happy. Liz told me we probably wouldn’t be friends if I wasn’t like I was.

I’ve never had someone tell me they liked me for me. If I did, it was probably a very long time ago that I don’t remember. It made me feel good to know that someone out there accepts me for me, flaws and all.

I went down to Overland Park to Lukas Liquors this morning to buy some Abita beer for my three dear friends. Liz is turning 21 next week, so I hope she enjoys what I get her. I’m back at Buffalo Wild Wings, back at the bar with Brittany. One of my trivia buddies, Larry, is here with his girlfriend, so it’s making for a lively scene. I’ll be here most of the day, waiting at least until the night shift comes on at 5.