I guess I’m the biggest sucker and/or glutton for punishment who ever lived. I have come back to Buffalo Wild Wings each of the past two days after making a total fool of myself Sunday. I’m shocked I’m still allowed in the restaurant, and I’m even more surprised anyone wants to be my friend.

December 28, 2014 will rank as one of the worst days of my life. Sure, there were other very bad days, but this one was far worse than the day Katrina flooded my family’s home, far worse than getting into any automobile accident, far worse than, well, just about anything.

The worst thing is, I could have prevented all of it if I would have thought things through and not had one of my patented explosions. All I had to do is wait patiently until a seat opened up at the bar, but no, I got panicky, I started raising my voice, and it got the last person on earth I wanted mad at me mad.

I really screwed up with Lisa Toebben. I really messed that up good. If she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore, it will devastate me to no end, but I understand where she’s coming from. She’s done nothing but be nice to me and this is the way I repay her by basically spitting in her eye? Is this the way I treat people? Sadly, it is, and I just keep repeating the same behavior over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

I’ve only known Lisa for ten months, but in that time, I’ve managed to fuck things up so bad I would not screw someone I’ve known ten times that long that many times. She’s a saint if she still wants to be my friend. I can understand if she does not, but  if she chooses the latter path, what good is my life? It’s not worth living.

I’ve also lost Liz forever, too, in all likelihood She witnessed all that went down Sunday night, and she was very angry with me, as she should have. Liz has put up with a lot from me, but I’m guessing this is the last straw.

Without LIsa and Liz, it might be time to cash in my chips and just go for it. Why bother living a life with two of the most important people n it? Besides, I’ve already alienated so many people, the list is so long it would take me two books to fill.

Monday night at Buffalo Wild Wings was quiet, but LIsa and Liz were not there. I thought LIsa was there when I got there this afternoon, because I saw her boyfriend, Jeff Daniels (AKA THE LUCKIEST MAN ON THE FACE OF PLANET EARTH) (sorry Lou Gehrig). Fortunately, she was not, and I was able to sit down. But I fear if she and/or Liz are here, I’m gong to have to leave.

I’ve fucked up the two most important relationships I have right now. Let me repeat: I’ve fucked up the two most important relationships I have right now. Again: I’ve fucked up the two most important relationships I have right now.. Why bother?