There are 12 hours left in 2017, at least in the Central time zone of the United States of America. Some places have already flipped the calendar. Others have a few more hours left of this year.

Tonight, millions of people will dress up in tuxedos and evening gowns, drink champagne and celebrate…THE FLIPPING OF A CALENDAR.

YIPPEEE!!!!

If I have said it before in this blog, then too bad. I’m going to say it now.

NEW YEAR’S EVE IS BY FAR THE DUMBEST HOLIDAY THERE IS. 

To say New Year’s Eve is a stupid reason to celebrate is saying the Titanic’s collision with the iceberg in the North Atlantic was just a bump in the night.

Those who go out on New Year’s Eve are screaming to the universe that I SUCK. MY LIFE SUCKS. I NEED THIS LAME EXCUSE TO PARTY.

Dick Clark was one of the best hosts in the history of entertainment, no matter the medium. However, when he came up with the idea of New Year’s Rockin’ Eve in 1972, he screwed the pooch big time.

Dick, you would have done much better going to bed at 9:30 on New Year’s Eve than sitting out in Times Square watching a ball drop.

Wow, stop the presses. That’s something I have always wanted to see up close.

Okay then. If you cannot spot the sarcasm, shame on you.

I don’t watch it on TV, and you couldn’t pay me all the money in the world to go to New York to see it live. In fact, I have no earthly desire to go to New York for any reason, period. Watching the ball drop would be the last reason on earth I would ever want to set foot in that city.

Yes, when you wake up tomorrow, it will be 2018. Will your debts be magically forgiven because it is a new year? HELL NO. If you are single, will you magically have a significant other because it is a new year? HELL NO. If your marriage is in trouble, will all be hunky dory because it is a new year? HELL NO. All that’s different is you’ll be putting a different digit at the end when you write a check. That’s about it.

As for resolutions, that’s another big HELL NO. What’s the big deal about starting something on January 1? If it’s something to better your life, will it not better your life if you start it on May 18, August 3 or October 23? Of course it will.

To the idiots going to the Kansas City Power & Light District to ring in the new year: see a medical professional. SOON. First, it’s beyond idiotic to go out drinking any night, especially on New Year’s Eve, and second, it’s going to be very, very cold. I don’t want anyone to die, but if someone did succumb to hypothermia tonight, it would be amusing, simply because it’s so stupid to be out tonight.

The only time I have been out past 8 p.m. on New Year’s Eve was after the 1995 Sugar Bowl between Virginia Tech and Texas (the Hokies won 28-10 if you’re wondering, and you’re probably not). I recall being scared to death of the drunks that would be out, although my route home did not come anywhere near the French Quarter. Fortunately I made it home without incident.

Goodbye 2017. Hello 2018. Life goes on.