Foots Prints

Today was awful. Beyond awful. I wish I would never have left room 1134 at the Overland Park Marriott. It would have saved me a lot of heartache, a lot of pain, and certainly a lot of tears. It also would have saved me gas and cash, but that was far, far from my mind.

I got to Buffalo Wild Wings right at 3, and I immediately saw trouble. RONDO was sitting at the bar with his Guinness Stout, showing just how smart he was by posting high score after high score at Buzztime Countdown. I was foolish enough to take him on, and he beat the living dog out of me three times. It is the worst by far I have been humiliated playing Buzztime, and it showed just how stupid I am and how much I did not learn when I was in school.

If that was not bad enough, Liz did not show up today. I thought she was working today, but it turns out she wasn’t, which was terrible news for me. I’m supposed to go back to Russell, and she’s supposed to work a double shift before leaving on her vacation in Michigan on Saturday. If she would have been there today, I would have tried not to get so angry about RONDO, but then again, I’m glad she didn’t see me melt down.

I was upset Liz did not show up today. I cried hard. I’m supposed to go back to Russell, and I get the feeling that when I come back there late this month or in August, she won’t recognize me, or she will and not want to have anything to do with me. Nearly every person who I considered important in my life has totally forgotten about me, most in Louisiana, but many in Kansas as well. Even worse, there have been many I’ve worn out my welcome with and I fear that’s going to happen here too.

Now I’ve got a dilemma: go back to Russell and not see Liz again for a long time, or stay and visit her. I doubt I am going to get any sleep tonight.

RONDO left at 5, and although my Buzztime night got much, much better, I was still very sad over what happened earlier. I want to cry yet again. I really want to let go. I really want to throw something. Maybe worse.

Once I go back to Russell, I know I’m going to be so miserable in that basement by myself. Then again, I’ve been away for over a week. Either way, it’s a tough decision.